Friday, June 15, 2012

Things I Wish I Knew When I Was 18

In honor of my nephew Andrew Burgess’ graduation from high school, and as a cap tip to all graduates, I offer up some words of "wisdom" gleaned from a life of bumps and bruises.  Most of these I think are originals, except where otherwise noted, though some sound familiar enough that I apologize in advance for any unintended plagiarism.  

“I hope life isn’t a big joke, because I don’t get it.” - Jack Handey

“Youth is wasted on the young.” –Robert Sandbach

Success or failure in calculus is a poor predictor of success or failure in life.

Success or failure in calculus is inversely proportional to success or failure at Words With Friends.

The most important thing you learn in school is how to learn.  The second most important thing you learn in school is that you cannot hydrate with alcohol.

You may not believe in unicorns, but you will never know for sure, because unicorns "shun the non-believer."

You will never think you have enough money until you realize - it's not about the money.

To avoid sorrow, avoid joy.  To avoid pain, avoid feeling.  To avoid loss, avoid love.

To fear dying is to fear living.

The most overused and underappreciated word, in any language, is Love.  It’s the only thing we know that is true. 

“Too soon old, too late smart.” – Robert Sandbach

Congratulations and best wishes to the Class of 2012. Now get out there and start cleaning up this mess we made.  And don’t you dare screw up Social Security, anymore than we already have, or we're going to come live with you when we retire.